I finally have one! After almost 5 years of being in my own house I finally have a door wreath for each holiday! This wreath cost me less than 5 bucks! What could be better than that! (Free maybe??)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
I found this on Then There Was Five, and laughed so hard. All the while I was reading this I had two little boys calling out Mommy, and trying to push me out of my seat. Which made these Lessons that much better! Hope you get a laugh out of these as well.
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.
Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
ΩThis post is dedicated to my Dear Aunt Susie. As she pointed out to me oh so kindly, I forgot to mention that she was at the post Christmas breakfast at my Aunt Gretchen's house. At first I thought, no way. She's wrong. Then I checked and she was RIGHT! So to make it up to her she gets a posting of her very own. Because that is how much I love her!
I know she might kill me for using this photo, but oh well. I love it! This picture is Susie. She is silly, she is always out for a laugh, and loves to eat (who doesn't!)
One of my first memories of Susie is at Christmas time. I remember she was laying in bed with me Christmas eve and kept trying to bribe me to fall asleep. Santa won't come if your awake, just close your eyes, and just as I was drifting off. "Did you hear that!!! I think it was Santa Clause! Hurry pretend your asleep."
(This isn't Christmas, its Easter- but I don't have many pictures of us together- This is Shannon, Susie and Me)
Susie is just a little bit over 29, but she is still a kid at heart. She has served in the YW's for over ten years. She isn't the type of leader who you just see on sundays, she knows her girls. They come to her for everything. She will take them on trips, on QT (formally known as Circle K) Runs, the girls will sleepover and just come to watch TV with her. Any monday night you can always find her house full of girls. She is a second mom to those girls.
She often wonders why 16 year old girls want to hang out with her. It's because Susan loves life. She loves people, she is always looking to serve. Who wouldn't want to hang out with someone like that, even if they are 29 a couple times over??
Susan also likes to teach people to drive. One summer while visiting my grandparents out in Blanding, UT. She took my cousin Ashley and I out into the middle of no where to practice driving. We would be chugging along and all of a sudden she yelled "STOP!" as loud as she could. Both Ashley and I had a mini heart attack, and luckily Ashley was driving at the time, she slammed on the breaks, and screeched to a stop. We both look at her wondering did we hit something and not know it? Does she have to pee her pants? Why are we stopping!?!? Susan said "Good job! You were paying attention." So from then on Ash and I sat on pins and needles just waiting for her to yell "Stop" at us again.
Susie has a couple of loves in her life. The first two are Boo and Zoey. Her two Yorkies. These are her girls. Her little babies and she loves them and they love her.
Next, QT. Susie believes that heaven is like QT. They have everything there and she visits it usually twice a day. Her favorite items. Rooster Booster (on tap) and Taquitos.
Susie loves to be outside. She loves to sit outside and read, or work on her yard, go hiking, walking, if it is outside you can bet she will be up for it!
Family. Susie LOVES her family. Even my mom, who is her archenemy. We all have one. Mine is Melissa. They usually come in sister form, due to the fact they wronged us when we were growing up.
Susie is one of my favorite people. I know that no matter what she will be there for me and love me always. I miss her so much and I can't wait to be back in Arizona just to be closer to her.
I love you so much Susie. Please accept this as my apology for not putting your name down for Post Christmas Breakfast. I don't know what I would do without you!